Not too long ago I was pretty dang on top of my healthy eating, fitness and all round good for my body and soul stuff. Today? Not so much.
To give you a brief back story, I had a whole host of ups and downs with my relationship with food when I was younger. From obsessive controlling one day to binging and eating everything in sight the next, I’ve been there. It got to the point where me and food were pretty screwed up, along with my mental state of mind as a result. Luckily, I found Laura Agar Wilson who is not only writer of the first blog I ever properly read but also a woman who downright turned my life around. She really is the most incredible health coach and guided me on a journey back to the right state of healthy for me and my body. I left the restrictions behind, made peace with my self and my body and found a new world of peaceful joyful eating and felt GREAT.
The thing is, old habits die hard. There’s a reason that’s such a famous saying. And when you throw the biggest turmoil you’ve had in your life to date into the mix… well things get tricky.
Last September my whole world got turned upside down in the space of one day. The details of this we may well get to at some point in this space but it isn’t something I’m ready to share yet so I do hope you’ll bear with me. So, since then, I’ve been trying to adjust to this new normal, process what has happened and figure out this whole new reality that, to be quite frank, I didn’t ask for.
As a result, things have been tough. I have been exhausted. My wonderful counsellor tells me that this tiredness is due to carrying the weight of the things I haven’t yet processed around with me each day. I think of it as like carrying a 20kg backpack around, all day every day. It’s pretty draining.
So, tiredness. To be honest, this rather throws everything else out the window.
Exercise? Getting up out of bed is hard enough, going to work out is nigh on impossible. I fully believe that we are meant to move our bodies in different ways throughout our lives, depending upon our experiences at that time. So in that sense, I know that now is not the time for me to be going on fast runs, doing circuits or lifting weights. Now is the time to slow down, walk more, jog and practice yoga (one of the most mentally clearing things in the world in my opinion). And some weeks, I’ve done well at that. I tried out some great yoga classes, wandered through South London’s parks on weekends and generally been kinder to myself. But lately, that’s rather disappeared…
And food? At the end of the day all I can think about is getting home, cooking a meal? It just seems like another challenge to be faced. And face it I do, I’m remembering that quick healthy dishes are the order of the day and healthy(er) ready meals are there for when things are a little trickier. Though, so are chocolate and convenience food… It’s a bit of a yo-yo between the two at the moment if I’m honest.
I realise this isn’t the most positive of posts but I wanted to be real with you guys. Sometimes, when we think we’re getting it all sorted, we fall back to what feels like square one again. And, damn, things can feel HARD sometimes. But life isn’t always easy, and sometimes (more often than not) the good things are worth the struggle.
So, I’ve set myself the intention of working my body twice per week for the next few weeks. Then I’ll up it to three, and so on. And I’m taking food a day at a time. I’m not going to go on any drastic diets (boy have I learnt from that one). Instead, it’s healthier decisions, step by step.
I know I’ll get there, slow and steady. As will we all – progress not perfection.
Have you ever felt like you’ve gone back to square one?